Sunday, December 18, 2005

Worst Christmas Show Ever Part 2

Worst Christmas Show Ever Part 2.

To re-live the first part of this post, please go to

As you know from reading the first part of this post I figured I had covered my bases pretty well during the initial conversation with “Gail.”  As I promised I contacted Gail a few days before the event to make sure everything was going according to plan.  Gail assured me everything was fine.  Again I mentioned what I need to make a successful show. (Again, see part 1  Again, she agreed to my stipulations.
So far everything was going along just swimmingly.

On the day of the event I made sure I left my house with plenty of time to spare.  Whenever I am doing a party like this, and I can spare the time, I always tend to end up having more than enough time to spare.  In this case instead of arriving fifteen to twenty minutes before the event like I said I would, I was a half an hour.  Not a problem, I rarely get in trouble for arriving too early.
A brief moment about the drive.  That particular day was a bad weather day.  It was raining AND snowing at the same time, making the roads a royal mess.  As well the sky was gray and the people on the radio were talking about the J.F.K. assassination.  
A sign of things to come.
When I arrived I went in without my “magic boxes” to scope out the situation.  Of course when I met Gail her first question was “Where is your stuff?”  I tried to explain that it was all in my car and that I just wanted to get a good look at my performance area first.
Now I rarely do this.  I usually trust the people who book me to make sure I have a good area to perform in, but today I had a, well, a feeling.  In response to this feeling I decided to scope the place out so that if I was given a bad spot then I could suggest a better location.
Unfortunately this turned out to be a major insult to Gail.  I had arrived without my magic cases.  How dare I!  
“You should be ready to go.”  She said.
I explained that I had a good half an hour before I was scheduled to start and that it took less than five minutes to set up.  No good, I had just committed a mortal sin.
After a few minutes of being berated I was taken to my performance area.  Remember in part 1 when I was told that this party was being held in a “Cafetorium?”  (A combination of a cafeteria and an auditorium.)  Well folks this place was no Cafetorium, it was just a plain old auditorium, bad acoustics and all.  (It did have a stage though, more on this later.)
Now I didn’t complain.  I kept a straight face while inside I was shaking my head, but on the outside I was more than professional.  I then asked where she thought I should perform.  She pointed to an area just to one side of the auditorium doors.
“It’s just what you asked for.”  She said.
And she was right.  It was an area that had something behind me, in this case a wall.  Unfortunately between the wall and my performance area were all of the jackets and shoes of the people attending the party.  I imagined being in the middle of a trick and having a family of four leave, getting their things behind me just at the climax of a trick.
I politely suggested that maybe, because of the coats and shoes, I should perform in front of the stage.  
“Nope, this is where you’re performing.”
Ok, fine, just another obstacle to overcome.  The next one was right across from me.  They had a Santa sitting on a badly decorated chair immediately across from where I would be performing.  I innocently asked “And the Santa will be done before I start?”
“I don’t know, just do your show and he’ll finish when he’s finished.”
Fortunately the food had already been served, almost.
“We’ll be putting dessert out during your show, we have a big Christmas cake for all the kids.”
“Well, could you save that until after my show?”
“I don’t know, we only have this place until 2, so we may have to serve it soon.  So, are you going to get your tricks now?”

Do you see where this is going?  Well let me tell you, the stuff you see is just part of the problem.  Stay tuned for part three on Wed. 21, 2005.  I promise it’ll be posted by then.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm enjoying watching this slow-moving train wreck...can't wait for part three!

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm - the 21st - you promise?!?

I'm not anonymous, I just refuse to create ANOTHER account just to post commments

10:35 AM  
Blogger Robert said...

Ok, nice build up of suspense... waiting for the end of the story... please?

BTW... hope Jen and you had an excellent Christmas, and have a happy New Year.

9:44 AM  

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